you.would.turn.me.into.this
after this year
i will be completely fucked
might as well take count of my bad luck
too many sad songs.
too many times i thought about you
and then my next thought was “i need a drink”
19 year old alcoholic habits are forming
and i don’t think i mind that much
sure it could lead to things i don’t want to try
rehab
and crying by the side of a road
because i ran my car into a tree
because they played a journey song on the radio
and i remembered crying in your arms on the dance-floor
at prom
or winter formal
even what seems like years later
i still cry
i cry late at night into my pillow
i am the old man
at the bar
who cries every night; drunk
about the one who got away.
the best thing that ever happened to my shitty life
slipped like split beer out of my fingers
and i cry to myself
over spilt beer….and your absence
what i cry over more though, i’m not sure
but what amazes me most is
after everything in my life
it’d have to be you to turn me into a drinker
you used to give me a reason to live
now you’re giving me reasons to have death wishes
a cancerous liver will be my back up plan to whatever else
my deranged mind can come up with to kill me
