a long rant that won’t stop or cease to amaze.
Home…..home….you were supposed to be like…..home. Well tell me where the fuck did you go? What saintly cavern did you start to dwell in? I am but a simple man, one long line poetry going on. A paragraph, a paragraph, that’s what you mean SO MUCH MORE TO ME. you were Dearest, you were sweatshirt and soft lips on soft days. you claim i lost the point, claim that i lost where i came from. Just because they died doesn’t give you an excuse to forget where you came from. And you’ve been running from their memory and trying to make yourself look better, but the truth is, you could do so much better, were so much better, how about you just go shove yourself into a small place. I always needed for you to put up with my bullshit, but you weren’t the only one. and if you were the only one it was all by your wishes; because your visits stopped this heart in it’s tracks and never let it get back. I am now 3 years older but 3 years lost. I am in college with a heart. I have a heart. Did you know I have a heart? The world doesn’t stop on your birthday just because you feel like it. The world doesn’t remark of your birth baby, because that’s how you like it. Shit doesn’t stop turning, it was just another SEX FILLED FUCK YOU JULIA MONDAY for me. Everything i do turns my stomach because in some sick way i fear it’s all because i can’t escape you. Everything I am involves half a thousand prisons where you have locked me up in pieces by pieces; bit by bit. If I were half the man you want him to be, you wouldn’t still give a shit. I know them by age face date and voice, a thousand lines of COMPLAINING FROM HIM for every sullen fucked up choice. I was with you. I was there. I lived through it all. I saw you through it all. The fact that you smite me now, has gotten to stop.I love this bullshit everyday for you. I can’t believe in you. I can’t believe you ever cared. Thousands of better suggestions have been made. People saying i should call you up, screaming at you for hours. Some have said just to give up. I’ve said multiple times just to end my own life but to let you win is something i’m not willing to have. I have nothing now. Nothing to wake up to. Nothing but empty beds. oh….that’s a lie. I have people, women, girls, cultured and caring who sleep by my side. Gladly, every night. I am nothing. I am everything. I am alpha and omega. You Are The Lie. I Am Alive. Thanks Be To The People Who Put Up With My Bullshit.
